20 March, 2012

Ever Have One Of Those Weeks?

Really, when I look back on how the week has been shaping up to this point, it isn't that bad.  When you witness one of those postings from a 'friend' on FB and some dude is pushing a wheel barrow jerry rig'd to the stump where once his fully functioning arm used to be or an adolescent boy with prostheses for legs I really don't have the right to bitch.  But, all things considered that's what makes a Filipino living in America wanna practice that privilege to bitch or at least be out-of-sorts with one's self.
A series of unfortunate events have been unfolding recently in my current and not so current history and every now and again-completely out of the blue-it settles in my consciousness and colors it.  It's how I choose to deal with it, to resolve it, and get going with 'normalcy' is how I gotsta get it done right.
Work is going relatively okay.  I have been getting in the Meridian rides the past two sessions consecutively and thankfully it does release endocannabinoids.  Cycling therapy.  I don't know what it is.  Is it the white noise, alpha brain waves?  The rhythmical cadence sync'd with my heart rate?  The repetitious motion of others' around me snaking around a corner like a swarm of bees?  I don't know but it sure make me feel better.
My first Meridian ride saw me riding with some of my teammates and finishing with the leaders.  That was cool.  Tonight though was a slog.  I hate post-slog mental resolving.  Endocannabinoids were present but here's how the conditions played itself out tonight:  It was ehfing cold and windy.  Thankfully I packed my cold weather gear the night before.  To add insult to injury they had the ehfing sprinklers on tonight.  So-on top of our self-induced wind chill-we had evaporative cooling due to the water spraying on ourselves as we passed through puddles in the road.
You ever have that moment when you're right near your breaking point and you say to yourself, "Self? What. Now. Am. I. Exactly. Doing. Here?"  Then you look around, and see collective suffering with your competition inches off your wheel and you buck up.  It wasn't necessarily fun, but for the sake of the collective, you push forward, and there was only 20 minutes left in the group ride/race.
Did I mention how ungodly cold it was tonight???
Every lap had some attrition and nobody wanted to re-emerge themselves back into the laps.  They just went home except for a Team San Jose guy, he kept re-emerging at the entry point on the top of the hill.  The pack would surge, my cold ass body would respond and I would be near the back but at this point there was no yo-yoing effect because I was at the back of the pack.  I looked back and there was nobody.  I would say there were maybe a dozen riders left.  The cadence was chill.  Just a smidge off of race pace but just enough for me to pedal 80 rpm's in my large chainring.
Even on the pesky, sprinting, hill I was able to stay seated albeit I would get out of the saddle some 50 meters near the top as they were accelerating but I was never in trouble of getting dropped even when my calves started to cramp.
Last lap and it falls apart.  I hold her steady and finish with a group of three with me just pedaling tempo up the sprint hill finish line, turning into the parking lot, shedding my skinsuit-ss jersey, leg warmers, beanie, toe covers, gloves and shoes and putting my work clothes back on while wearing a towel.  Holeee sheep shite, it was cold but I finished!  The therapy was fine.  Now I have to keep the mental phantoms at bay, all the while, counting down my days towards spring break with my kids and me visiting my brother and their cousins in Phoenix, AZ.
Topsy-turvey or even keeled mentally.  As with my week, I don't know what to choose (nor would I choose-how's that for oscillation).  I am grateful though for the invention of bicycle though not as much for the automatic sprinklers.   
I wrote this at a Starbucks in 25 minutes because they're closing.  Forgive me for syntax errors.  I don't pay for Wi-Fi anymore that's my situation...