18 February, 2013

Ruminations on why I ride, 1:30 in the morning

It’s 1:30 a.m. and I’m trying to carry over what wee fitness I have from my 2012 campaign of mediocrity mixed in with indescribable moments of alpha-wave releasing, endocannabinoid producing, endorphin popping by:  practicing, racing, witnessing new terrain, crashing, bonking, humbling efforts, conversing, laughing, hitting new physiological thresholds, looking like a concentration camp survivor, and hanging with teammates.  Well I did win one race last year.  A cyclocross race.  Speaking of which, I raced right up until December.  That’s the longest time I’ve ever raced since moving here to Colorado, getting the big “D”, and meeting Special “K” (that’s code for Karen y’all).  2011 and 2012 was the harbinger of life changing events ranging from downright shitty, depressing, grief, anger, loss, numbness, episodic moments of self-actualization, friendship, romance, re-acquaintances, deeper connections to my close circle of friends with the potential of adding another, enough to get me nutty enough to seek therapy (she was awful by the way-my therapist, cycling's cheaper) and to become temporarily grounded.  This sine wave (can you picture it dropping negative off the zero line, curling up and past zero, hitting the apogee and descending at the origin?) of emotions and moments of clarity will repeat but I guess that's the nature of a sine wave (not only that but it’s repetitive, not only that but it’s cyclical, not only that but it’s recurrent, not only that but it shows periodicity…etc. ).

How did I arrive to the sine wave of eating a buffet-style, crap sandwich with episodic moments of unfettered happiness?

Hmmm.  Good question.  It involves my unique self-preservation mechanism as I was gorging myself on that oh so delicious shite sandwich I suppose.  Surround yourself with supportive people, listen, decompress, analyze and visualize all the information gathered via an ass kicking, mind clearing ride, and have a job that you love so it can support your riding and your children.  As it happens, or is it serendipitous? but all my inner circle of friends including my older brother ride and/or race.  My ninja Eric, my Airborne brother, my kindred spirit, my brother in arms (he grunt style, me chair force), opened up my opportunities to reacquaint myself with my riding identity by taking me in as part of the Airborne Flight crew ensuring me quality riding machines that I can articulate and communicate their awesomeness.  So riding is essential and is my essence of being as well as teaching.  I guess that's what some people call their identity.  My identity slowly deteriorated in my 15 years of marriage.  I blame only myself for that.  7 people whom my heart holds near and dear were once or are currently still teachers (Hez-Billy, Kev, Karen, Kenny-that’s a lot of K’s- J, Melissa R., and Pablo-I can write a blog’s worth for these impressive people).  I have ridden and/or raced with the aforementioned peeps with the exception of Melissa R. and, have personally formed deep bonds as we spend time riding, eating, talking, listening, laughing, burping loudly, and the occasional holding of hands on two wheels (aw!).  

It might be an addiction-who cares?-but there’s a lot of us out there who are passionate about riding (and teaching!)  So, I am motivated to ride.  Even in the cold!  My daughter’s playing for the championship soccer game tomorrow.  Know what I’m going to do before I see her win?  I’m going for a ride in sub-freezing temps beforehand.  I ride for saneness, I ride with the homey trinity for mental alignment, I ride for health, I ride to contemplate, I ride and will bleed out of my eyes to stomp my competitors, I ride when I’m broke, I ride to resonate with Karen (amongst other things), I ride to bond with my son Mason, I share riding experiences with my brother Lem as well as ride with him!, I ride to have a T. Rex upper body and to struggle when I break a pound of fettuccine noodles to boil them, I ride because I might be vain, I ride wearing a Halloween kit, I am inspired by the Tour de France, I have pee'd while cycling as my UT teammate Grant pushed me, I pay to race, I ride to race…am I missing anything?

Why?  Because that’s how I roll…on two wheels!