Yee-haw you Sahklin' Mow-ROHNS!!!!

read this essay about barney fife and his way of enforcing life in mayberry...

http://www.co.larimer.co.us/Sheriff/bulls_Eye/BullEye.htm
Cyclists and Dodge City
By Sheriff Jim Alderden-Larimer County

Don’t you just love this time of year, when the birds, boats and cyclists come out? Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

Tis the time of year for countless walking, running and cycling events that positively or negatively affect each of us. Then there’s the inevitable conflict between the motorists and cyclists using roads that are in disrepair and aren’t fit for either. The Sheriff’s Office and other law enforcement agencies are tasked with keeping the peace and enforcing the laws. The end result is that nobody is happy with us.

First, let me address the numerous events that impact traffic flow and raise the ire of the affected neighborhoods. All of these events require a permit. There are several stages of review. Many of these cross jurisdictional lines and require approval from the municipalities that they traverse, the county and the state. In the case of the county permits, they are NOT issued by the Sheriff’s Office but from the Commissioners. In addition to the Sheriff’s Office reviewing the plans for the events, the Health Department, Road and Bridge, Parks Department, Engineering and the appropriate ambulance, hospital and fire departments all review the plans and either approve or impose conditions. In the case of the Sheriff’s Office, we REQUIRE notification of affected residents, a traffic plan, certified traffic control personnel at key intersections, and volunteers at other locations. If the event is a race, we require either full or rolling road closures. Again, we are charged with making the event as safe as possible, but can’t deny a permit just because it inconveniences people. That’s a balancing act for the County Commissioners.

The Sheriff’s Office no longer assigns personnel to these events except in the most extreme circumstances due to staffing shortages, other high priority events that dictate deputies be assigned to work overtime, and the liability associated with these events. When we do, the event must pay the costs associated with the services provided. I don’t remember the last time we assisted with one of these due to the volume of other off-duty work where the services of a sworn deputy are needed. (As an aside, to the person who groused on the Reporter Herald RH line about the Sheriff’s Office escorting a group of cyclists on Glade Road on Saturday, May 10, the Sheriff’s Office was NOT involved in this event and we definitely did NOT have a car escorting the cyclists either on duty or on overtime. This event was a collegiate event hosted by Colorado State University, so I suspect that the lead car may have been a CSUPD car.)

Second, let me address the issue of cyclists in general and our enforcement practice. I’ve recently received a deluge of e-mails from the cycling community of Boulder after a group of them encountered a deputy who gave then the “don’t let the sun set on your behind in my county” speech or something akin to that. What the rider claimed was that the deputy offered the option of either returning to Boulder County or receiving a ticket for the alleged violation (more on that in a moment). That may be what they heard, but the deputy is adamant that isn’t exactly what was said. Apparently there was some dialogue (argument) about the interpretation of the applicable statute and the cyclists were advised that we were going to enforce the law regarding impeding the traffic flow in our county. The deputy continued by stating that perhaps they should return to Boulder County where they indicated they could ride two abreast, or be cited if they continued to do so here. It really wasn’t a “get out of Dodge” ultimatum but “if you stay in Dodge, be prepared to follow the rules or suffer the consequences.” Perhaps he could have been more tactful, but anytime you get to even suggest something to deal with Dodge City, its okay in my book.

Actually, we have a bonus point system when ticketing individuals from Boulder. So far, the deputy in question has won a toaster oven and is close to earning a rod and reel combination. (Just kidding!)

Now to the real issue and the reason for the contact in the first place. We have been receiving complaints about cyclists hogging the road in the southern part of the county so we have stepped up our presence. Not surprisingly, many of these cyclists cop an attitude when stopped. Also not surprising, many of the cyclists with attitudes are part of the Boulder cycling community. Now, I’ve had some fun making fun of Boulder in the past (all warranted by the way) and some will say this is just another attempt to bash Boulder, but this is what has been reported to me. Many have taken to not carrying identification, so when asked to identify themselves for purposes of determining if there are any outstanding warrants (which we always check), it isn’t unreasonable to determine their county of residence. (Another warning – When issuing a citation for a violation, if we can’t verify the identification of the cyclist, they WILL be taken to jail pending identification and their bicycles impounded. This isn’t a threat. Its the way we operate.)

The dispute is over interpretation of C.R.S. 42-4-1412(5): “Any person riding a bicycle shall ride in the right hand lane. When being overtaken by another vehicle, such person shall ride as close to the right-hand side as practicable. Where a paved shoulder suitable for bicycle riding is present, persons operating bicycles shall ride on the paved shoulder….” Also at issue section (6)(a) “Persons operating bicycles on roadways shall ride single file: except that riding no more than two abreast is permitted in the following circumstances: (I) When riding two abreast will not impede the normal and reasonable movement of traffic…” Many feel that they can ride two abreast as long as vehicle approaching from the rear can get around them, even if the motorist has to go into the oncoming lane of traffic. Our reading of the statute doesn’t require that traffic actually be impeded, only that it the cyclists riding two abreast would impede the normal flow of traffic if vehicles had to swerve into the oncoming lane, especially when there is a double yellow line as is the case in many of the winding roads favored by the cyclists. Further, section 6 doesn’t negate the requirement of section 5 to ride on the paved shoulder or as far to the right as feasible when being overtaken. While riding two abreast, one of the pair isn’t as far to the right as possible. When being overtaken, in order to get as far to the right as possible, they must ride single file if there is only one lane in that direction. If there is a paved shoulder, they should be riding on the shoulder, not in the traffic lane, regardless of whether or not they are impeding traffic.

The arguments offered by the cyclists are similar to those made by many motorists when blowing stop signs. “There were no other cars coming, so why should I have to stop?” - “They could still get around us, so what difference does it make?”

I believe in minimal enforcement to achieve the desired result. Our deputies have been giving verbal warnings, as was done to the Boulder cyclists. The warnings haven’t been heeded. I don’t expect my deputies to have to debate the point any further. We will begin issuing tickets for these violations, whether the offender lives in Larimer County, Boulder, or Dodge City.

To the motoring public, this does not mean its open season on cyclists. We also have received some complaints about motorists throwing objects at cyclists or harassing them. We will be equally aggressive in defending the rights of the cyclists to share the road as long as done legally and responsibly.

May 20, 2008
ps. thanks jayson

It Was Mason's Birthday Yesterday

he turned the big three point oh (that's two significant digits). we celebrated by going out for a hike near where we live with our in-laws, their dog, and our family including dogs. it was good. mason's turning into a pretty good hiker whereas maura's starting to get lazy. one of his presents was an inflatable t-ball set. he loved it. in fact, before we dug into his ice-cream cake, we had a quick game of t-ball in our front yard. here he is with his colorado rockies pennant hat (they're awful this year) right after he smacked the ball off the tee, grinning ear to ear.

and here's another view-aerial-of his ice-cream cake.

today, sunday, i went for a slammin' ride with my boy and teammate christopher. from denver we went up deer trail (see previous video) over to high grade, down co. 73, turned on co. 74 to bergen park but told chris i gotta turn around in order to make it back on time. so we pulled a u-bone off of 74 and continued to descent 73 into morrison and back home. all told, not counting breaks, it probably took us 5.5 h. on the very last climb out of high grade chris and i turned it into a crap on your neighbor ride (i.e. sprinting towards our imaginary finish line). he was climbing pretty good today and on this real long grinder he just mashed it, we were both fading but since i'm pretty intimate with the geography of this route i knew i could kick it towards the tail end of this climb. we were both cratered after each of our humongous, big chain ring attacks (if that's what you want to call it) and unable to shake each other off our respective wheels. and with that, it ended-quite satisfyingly-our uphill portion of our route. we descended like sleds and i was able to make it home within my hour wiggle factor. i'm guessing it was less than or equal to a 70 mile ride. next weekend's a very uphilly race starting in boulder called the mike horgan hillclimb. we climb on a street called magnolia, and on some dirt roads. look at the profile, the first surge is magnolia. the second surge is sugarloaf where the race ends. ouch kids.

it's kinda crazy but i know i won't come in last (but i'll probably be close). in colorado all the freaks show up for hillclimb races. afterwards, it was suggested that our whole vitamin cottage crew go for a long team ride. sounds painful. the jury's still out for this one kids...
today's funny highlight: when we were in lakewood--extremely hypoglycemic--at a red light, a dude taking a corner really squirrely-like had tri bars on his bike. as roadies we have this thing against triathletes on their geeked-out bikes. so, chris goes into this hans and frans voice impersonation (snl that is)or like arnold schwarzenegger as the tri-geek (in first person), and i chime in with something i'd rather not repeat and we were dying at the light. we couldn't inhale and we were both slapping our handlebars and repeating what i said, looking for the light to change to green. omygod we were dying of laughter from a hypoglycemic induced state-of-mind. i could only guess what motorists were thinking when they saw us off our rockers, pole position at a major intersection.

What a week...

...and it ain't over yet! memorial day was kind of a bust weather-wise but we were still able to start a bonfire in our front yard and roast marshmallows to make some oh so delicious s'mores.

before all this nasty weather settled, billy, kev, alec & i went mountain biking at white ranch. billy, was on a downhill tear with his 5" up front and 5" in the rear. it's the mojo's mojo.
after the weather became compliant-wednesday-i went for a slammin' ride at centennial cone with billy and kevin (aka the homey trinity). first time we did it we rode one lap in two hours; when we rode it this time: 2.5 h doing two laps. yup. holy shmokes we were on a mission. we rode tempo on the first lap and we were a well-oiled machine riding pretty tight single-file formation (duh) on the narrow singletrack. one lap down and we just reversed it because there was a section of track closed due to elk migration. on the way back, kevin was possessed. he took off and i was just hanging onto his lead. i don't think billy and i could've gone any faster. it was unreal. there were portions where the trail was so narrow and we were gunning it in the big ring that if you took a smidge of bad line you were sunk-or as billy said, "f*&^ed!" to quote billy, "dude, the planets were aligned and we're not ever getting a clean downhill like that in a long time." the ehfed part of the deal was that most of the tight singletrack's on a high ridge; so, at these speeds, unnecessary launching is not favorable for quadrapedal living (and i don't want to untimely donate my organs either). and believe me, we were definitely at launch speeds 90% of the time on the return trip. there was absolutely no uphill traffic. it was as if the whole park was our playground. usually we try and be good bike representatives: yielding the uphill/pedestrian right-of-way but not this time and we weren't stopping (we wouldda though). thankfully there was no traffic. finally the last uphill grunt and it put everything back into perspective. 18 miles in 2.5h. yessir.
thursday, i rode with alec who was running super late and i had to be at my daughter's field day back in conifer so i rode for only an hour. bummer. my day was salvaged after hanging out with my daughter at her school's field day, volunteering to help her class. after i picked 'em up we went to baskin robbins and they ordered a double scooped, bubble gum ice cream. i had them hold a second bowl so that they could spit out their gum (i don't want them to swallow gum right?). before sweet melissa came home we did some artwork on the driveway welcoming her (it says hello mom!).

friday's my daughters' last day o'school. it was a nice conclusion after a busy school year under picture perfect skies. my daughters' were hanging with their friends and saying goodbye to their teachers. personally, i think i actually loved my elementary school teachers as opposed to my high school ones. here's a pic...

before their end-of-year picnic i rode a hilly, two hour ride here in conifer. i have to ride a state highway part of the time but it's quite safe actually. was a wee bit off my time of exactly two hours-did it 3 minutes longer. that's okay though. i used to be a big no ipod policy kind of guy when i ride, but when it's me, my bike, and music, there's something really comforting about it. steady state climbing with the ipod in shuffle mode is really transcendental. billy bragg, los lobos, elvis costello & the imposters, the dodos, thom yorke, and the crystal method, to name a few bands, were making me dance on the pedals (speedplay zeroes). the name of this road's called high grade road (which turns into pleasant park road). it's really beautiful (it's kinda chilly too up here 'round 9k feet). i need to take a picture one day of this road for y'all. it looks like one of the alpine passes a cyclist might encounter in the TdF (that's why i live in colorado). here's a video capturing what i cycle on my 2 or so hour loop where i live. it (my ride on this video) pretty much starts after left on high grade road (minus their center-line violations). the first part's (deer trail) what i do after the saturday crap-on-your-neighbor group ride. u.s. 285's the state highway i ride from my house to get to deer trail/high grade/pleasant park.

saturday's mason's b-day. i'ma jam some cake in me tum-tum as penance for a 5h ride on sunday kids. did i mention? kev, alec, billy, and i are on summer break suckahs!!

i believe this is how we'll spend most of our summer: on the hammock, chillin' with the physiological goal of having the heart rate equal to or less than 60 bpm (maricel's on the cell phone w/grandma).
i still don't believe my girls are going into the third and first grades! time is a'flying y'all...third grade...

My XC results are in...

...and the verdict is: i'm average (yoo-hoo!)!
click here for yours' truly's results, then scroll up to sport 40-49 male.

Sunday's Musings

rode a killer 5 hour ride with christopher. my legs were spanked but we did hills anyway. here's the noteworthy things that happened on the ride:
a) got told off by a sheriff because i was riding next to chris and it's supposed to be single file.
b) some dude crashed on the downhill on some rocks and an ambulance was dispatched.
c) there were an inordinate amount of cute cyclists out there today
d) some skate punks had to say something about us being grown men wearing spandex (purple and orange nonetheless) so we had a very sophomoric reply for them (that was me-had something referencing their fathers or something like that).
great ride, great weather, and people were unusually chatty when we passed them. when i came home my son mason and i hung out. when he's in a good mood he'll say, "hey mommy/daddy/or whomever/ i like your (whatever you're doing or whatever your holding at the time). for example, when i'm drinking coffee he'll say, "hey daddy, i like your coffee. is it new?" so when i came home today i didn't shut the bathroom door and i'm urinating (we were the only ones on the second floor) and he says, "hey daddy, i like your penis; is that new?" i reply, "thanks son. nope, i've had it for about 41 years now." my son. he's almost three years of age and he's cool like that.

Battle The Bear-aka My First Cross-Country Race for '08!

picture courtesy of kenny the mad singlespeeder


man battle the bear was fast and oh so fun to boot! after days of a malingering rain/snow mix, we finally have one day before the event to dry everything out. i'm thankful that it did. there was maybe one spot of standing water other than that the course was blisteringly fast, dry, and super hardpacked, with some occasional baby heads thrown in. here's an aerial view of the course:

at the beginning they combined three groups for the start. the 35+, the 40-49 (my group), and the clydesdales. there were about 50 people in our staging area! of course it funneled down to just singletrack 30 yards from the start. when he yells go i take off like it's a crit start and i think i was top 15 in the lead pack once it became single track. cool. one part of the course was super serpentine and if i carried too much speed it would just throw me up on a grass-side berm. not good because all that grass zaps my speed. there were two climbs where i had to bail on the small chainring. i couldn't believe the speeds people climbed. the course was super tight singletrack so it was a chore passing people. thank goodness some fred up ahead climbing was gassed. since we couldn't pass on that particularly steep section we all had to slow down. i took a breather there. then came the downhills. it was smoking fast and tight so you really had to center your line or else-once your front tire got caught in the rough-you'd get launched or bogged down or crash. i blasted the downhills in my large chainring and passed some people too. it was amazingly fun the downhills. not like the daydream-and-your-dead-kind-of-stuff like at winterpark or breckenridge but just hardpack singletrack fun.
our course was doing a 10 mile loop twice. so note to self: the start/finish is after a hard right turn and it's a sprint to the finish. the last 3miles i was battling it out with a 26 year-old, 28 year-old and 49 year-old. i know their ages because they write on your calf what age and category you're in.

i made it a point not to get passed by people older than me, but i did pass a bunch of young 'uns too. we were crushing the flats and i was fading a bit on the climbs but i would put in the big ring on the downs and i'd be back on the bus. on the downhill i passed the 28 year-old and the 49 year-old was drafting me. he took the hole shot on a left-hand turn and took the lead. i just sat back and drafted the best i could. the 26 year-old kicked it on the other lane of the fireroad (right hand side) crushing a huuuuge gear and had a one car lead. i jumped across to draft him and the 49 year-old did too. before the last right hand, flat sweeper there is a tiny little, one person, foot bridge. i jumped out in front and blasted it and got the hole shot over the bridge (can't pass there!). in doing so i almost took myself out because i entered the bridge with too much speed and not centered! i dropped it in the big ring and kept a gap. i shut her down for the right hander losing most of my speed and kicked it in the sprint where the 49 year-old almost passed me but the finish line came up too early for him (he was winding it up jack!)and just right for me. it was awesome. you normally don't have sprint finishes in a cross-country race. the promoters said that racers'd probably do 45 minute laps. sho'nuff, that's what i did. i started at 9:40 and finished pretty much at 11:10. what a great day! my bike performed well and was quiet. i drank most of my water from my camelback because it was hot; therefore i didn't cramp (although i came close on the last big climb). it was a beeyatch to try and eat on the course because people were so good and opportunistic that, if you slowed down, there was a high chance your butt would get passed! this was during the entire event. a whole boat load of people showed up for this and brought the goods at the start line and throughout the event. if you slowed, they would show no pity (as it should be, amen). i'll check the results on-line tonight. they were having technical difficulties before i left. kenny started at 11:30 and he's doing three laps (i think) on his singlespeed! that's waaaay out of my league...

Less Is More

yao-zuh (the thing on the left is billy's new ride!)! just got back from moab with the homee trinity (get it? it sounds like holy but i don't want to be sacrilegious here...): kev, billy, and me. the ride out was treacherous because a major snowfall occurred on the way out and vail pass-again-was nas-tee! i just caught glimpses of it because i was in and out of consciousness from the night before. my honey and i just saw/heard kathleen edwards in boulder friday night. 6 out of 5 stars (yes, i said six out of five) was her performance. she's talented and she rocks! anyhoo i would wake and stare out of the window and be in disbelief witnessing all the snow and ice accumulating on i-70. nutty. but once we got to fruita, billy had one singular thought: get my new ride! billy purchased an ibis mojo, spec'd with xt with the mavic cross-action, straight pull, bladed, wheelset. beautiful. we decided to break it in at a 4,100 foot climb up a trail called top of the world. by this time the sol (which, incidentally is located in the orion arm of our spiral galaxy, classified as a main sequence star according to an h-r diagram will evolve into a red giant whose diameter will engulf earth's solar orbit and all life will simply evaporate in about six minutes in about 6 billion years-so y'all better get your christmas shopping done early and purchase some 4,000,000,000,000,000,000 spf sunscreen while you're at it!) was gloriously fusion reacting hydrogen molecules producing helium atoms resulting in obligatory radiant heat for earth-bound carbon-based life which, in turn, synthesized vitamin-d for said carbon based life ultimately producing copraphagic smiles from ear-to-ear (specifically on the faces of aforementioned homee trinity). oh shnap i was on a science teacher bender! okay for your quiz today, find out the fuel cores of the the white dwarf (trick question), black dwarf, and red supergiants. thank you...
we started at the colorado river-site of the burned-out dewey bridge because some simpleton parent couldn't control their seven-year old pyromaniacal son-and to get to the top (of the world) we had to climb, climb, climb. we all remembered the climb not being this brutal but man the rocks were sharp, nasty, and frequent. one thing different this time as compared to last? no snow, more fitness. it was almost spiritual, climbing since we were the only ones on the trail and it was eerily quiet. once we started climbing we didn't talk and we hunkered down for a state of steady aerobicity while constantly scanning uphill for the sweet lines. like i said it was quiet and our bikes were quiet, quiet, quiet. the recent storms made all the flora high-contrast green against the red sandstone and funky moon rock on the ground. here's billy taking the sweet line on a particularly difficult, off-cambered piece of slab...

here's me trying (to english) the same obstacle with a slightly different line. it was so hot i had to unzip my jersey (thank god for full-zip jerseys!).

the scenery was like looking through a polarizing-effect lens with the layering of high-contrast greens, browns, and reds. billy set a pretty high pace amped up on his placebo affect and the technology accompanying his new steed (okay, he's pretty fit too). once at the top, this is what we saw:

on the way down billy's new ride awakened a dormant skillset in his brain-the downhill skill. he was flying and kev was too. in fact, they were going at such a warp speed i crashed trying to keep up with them. i might have to reconsider my hardtail-only stance. if it weren't for my cat iii road handling skills (this is a not funny long running joke i have with my friends grant and kenny) i'da been a dead man. the crash hurt. i banged up my knee and my elbow-the entire left side. i currently walk with a wee-slight limp/gimp.

we wanted to do a second ride but the 4,100 foot climb coupled with the heat kinda cooked us so we bagged that idea. moab was a'buzz with pedestrian life this time of year. all manner of people were out and about. there were a lot of foreign visitors too. i don't blame 'em i'd be here too with a powerful euro. there was also an inordinate amount of cute members of the opposite sex. it made spectating rather entertaining. we stayed at the archway inn with visions of slickrock and the sovereign trail dancing in our mellons right before mr. sandman paid us a visit. note to selves: we're not doing top o'the world anymore for 2008! we wake up and since we were on a time limit and our quads spanked from the previous day's effort we decided to do sovereign instead of slickrock. we roll and billy is possessed by the spirit of mr. clean. holee shmokes he cleaned all manner of gnarly technical stuff on the way up. it was like "ite kids, school's in session!" kev and i were dangling off the back a wee bit. once we got onto some flat stuff i took the lead and we played cross country follow-the-leader. it was a hoot blasting through berms in the singletrack, bunnyhopping over babyheads on the sweet line, and cleaning some super angular abutments of rock scattered every so often. sovereign is rare in moab because it's a true singletrack. we didn't get to our destination because we had to turn around to make it home on time. here's kev cleaning one of those angular rock abutments. on the return trip kevin had the lead and he opened up the throttle.

big chainring time! we were flying through the singletrack and i was barely staying on my line since i was getting bounced something fierce on my jittery hardtail. good lord, what a great conclusion in such a short amount of time. on the way back we ate at billy's fave sandwich shop where my carnivorous brothers ate sirloin and i ingested a portobello-provolone creation in glenwood springs.
note-worthy observation: on the way out some dudes asked us why we're taking off so early from such a glorious day/ride, and billy said, "because we're honoring our wives today."-it's mother's day today. the guy got kinda smug but his friends non-verbally communicated i wish we had someone to come home to (they immediately got very quiet).
monday's gonna hurt y'all...